August 16, 2015 – A poem by Marcus Lowell Tibesar, the youngest son of Peter Benedict Tibesar and Jacqueline Mae (Parks) Tibesar. Marcus and his siblings were abandoned by their father Peter when very young. Peter ran off with another woman named Audrey Corinne (Alcorn) Buckley and abandoned his five boys. To make matters worse, Peter then adopted Audrey’s three children Katheleen Patrice (Buckley) (Tibesar) (Talley) Smith, Karen Diane (Buckley) (Tibesar) Shirley and Alexander Carl (Buckley) Tibesar. Alexander committed suicide when 14 years old.
Father Didn’t Care”
by Marcus Lowell Tibesar
Father didn’t care.
Yes, I can’t believe it.
How could it be?
That he really didn’t care.
When I was only 6 months.
My father abandoned us.
But he didn’t care.
He left us, and didn’t look back.
How could that be?
But Peter didn’t care.
Many years later he returned.
Yet only as a facade.
His name was Peter.
But again, he didn’t care.
My mother was right.
He was the worse kind.
I doubted her.
But learned later, she was right.
So Mother was right.
Peter didn’t care.
He really didn’t.
How could that be?
My mother was real.
He came back, sort of and tried, sort of.
But it was too late.
Then when my father was dying.
He called and wanted me there.
But “Father” I know not you.
Why o why should I care?
I’m glad he’s gone.
He’s no longer part of my life.
And he never was.
Peter, go to Hell and live there.
I will meet my mother at the North Gate.
For she was real.
She was always there.
She was really, really, ALWAYS there.
Jacque, God bless you.
For you are our Saint.
Why o why did I doubt you?
When all you wanted was to be heard.
Peter, I have one thing to say to you.
Good bye, forever.
You were never my father.
And you should never be acknowledged.
I shall never forgive you.
For treating my Mother as such.
She raised your five sons all by herself.
You didn’t care.
I will expose you for what you were Peter.
You deserve that and, Mother should be acknowledged.
You were the worse of the worse.
And for that I wish you rot in Hell.
Family is all that there is.
You made me see that.
As hard and enduring as it was.
You made me see that.
God bless my children.
God bless Jacque.
God bless my brothers.
God bless my family.
In 62 years I have never spoken ill (or otherwise) of my biological father Peter Benedict Tibesar. The Archives documents our life’s journey both good and bad. If it only archived the good, then it wouldn’t be a journey. I now choose to document my father’s behavior only because it was of a level almost unimaginable. Behavior of this sort should be documented so that perhaps just perhaps it won’t be repeated again and exposed for what it is.
I never told my children or others what happens when a family of six are abandoned. We were broken, impoverished and split apart. Because my Mother was destitute as a result of this reckless abandon, she had to give up her boys. Try to imagine what it is like as a Mother to send your children off to others. I can’t imagine it. Jack and Jerry went to live with Peter and his new family being subjected to abuse my Peter’s new wife. Brother Robert went to live with Mom’s sister Jane Irene (Parks) Myers. My twin brother Vince and I lived with Mom.
Mother scraped by however she could. She worked at times three jobs. Mother told me we lived in a chicken coop when I was a baby. She was a waitress at times getting 30 cents per hour trying to feed five boys. No money was EVER received from Peter. No letters, no birthday cards, no phone calls, no visits, no NOTHING. He ‘swung by’ Shoshoni, Wyoming one time in his fancy new pink cadillac but, I don’t remember the ‘event’.
We moved relentlessly. We had no place to call ‘home’ and we had no family unit.
Several years later Mom remarried and all of us boys were reunited. We were then beaten and subjected to a fearful, always on the move life. Even our names were changed by her new husband who spent his paychecks at the bar and wrote bad checks that Mother would have to go around and try to pay. Mother was beaten and also feared for her life so she divorced (again!). Can you imagine being abandoned with five small children and then subjected to beatings.
Winters there was little heat and food. I slept by a water heater which was the only source of heat in the shanty. Mother was looked down upon by the community because of her predicament. We weren’t readily accepted in each new town we lived in. I remember Vince getting in a fight because he had holes in his shoes.
While Peter abandoned us, he adopted his new wife’s three children! Before Peter married my Mother, he was married and had a daughter. He also abandoned my sister Linda and her mother! Abandonment is one of the worse things that can happen to a family. Peter abandoned five boys and one girl and then adopted another’s three children. Incredulous! He married five times.
Later in life he reconciled with my oldest brother Jack and his family. Now after years of abandonment, he becomes a ‘real father and grandfather’ to Jack and his family. As my Mother would say, “must be nice!” I could go on about the stories our family faced in each small town all without the love and guidance of a father. I remember mostly Mother’s unending love and care in protecting and trying to feed her boys. She never wavered and she always ‘found a way’!
Perhaps someday I will forgive Peter, I don’t know. I don’t really believe he fully understood what life was like without him and how it so affected us all. Brother Jack tells me he did but, when Peter had the chance he never told me. He never stood before my Mother and us boys (you know as a family) and make us understand that he knew what his behavior did to our family.
As a result of his abandonment and my beatings, I mistreated my family. My children have forgiven me, I pray. I look upon their Mother as I did my Mother. She is our rock and, we have stayed together for 42 years now. All of my brothers have remained with their wives and have strong family units.
Perhaps the scars of our youth cemented our convictions to not repeat history. Today, I would rather think about my Mother, Jacqueline Mae (Parks) (Tibesar) (Haugeto) Kawamoto than give a nickel about Peter. ~ Marcus Lowell Tibesar, August 2015